The Endless Torment of My Mind

I generally have this tendency to get an idea in my head of something that I need to fix, do, or plan out, and I get so focused solely on that particular thing until it's at a point where I can look at it (or the situation) and it is "done" or has a feeling of being finished. Granted, this doesn't always happen with absolutely everything that I do, just things that I feel strongly about.

Most of the time this focus comes when I'm working on homework (away from distractions (aka the computer)) and I don't stop until it's finished (at least what I can finish). Most of the time, to the apprehension of my mother, I don't stop to eat, or even eat while I work. When I'm in my "focus zone" things like eating and sleep seem quite trivial. I'm working on that, though. Health is important. (<-- to all relatives reading and possibly worried by previous statement.)

So, in relation to this, I've really been trying to figure out my future (because it is so important to me, and the subject comes up so many times). Each day I kind of take an internal study of everything that I had done, the reasons behind it, and how it affects me (it's actually less deliberate than it sounds... more half-subconscious). Through this, I've been finding out more about my strengths, and I'm really not sure about my ability to deal with being a psychologist on a day to day basis, especially a child psychologist. To hear and witness the problems facing small children, that would drive even a normal adult to the edge, every single day seems... overwhelming. Also, I really don't think I'd be able to deal with adults every day either. I simply wouldn't have the patience. I don't think I am emotionally stable enough to be able to help these people, no matter how much I would want to. Especially lately, I have avoided contact with people except for a select few. I wonder if I could handle a job where I have prolonged contact with people (and forming relationships with them) every single day. As normal as that seems it feels really intimidating to me... I'm not good with new people. In new situations, I like to be quiet and separate from everything so I can figure out what's going on. I really don't like awkward moments and I always feel like I have to do something to break them. I just don't know if I could handle that.

Lately, ceramics has been drawing my eye more and more. During the day, when I'm just sitting in a class I just have this craving to have some clay between my hands to mold, or I daydream about what I'm going to make next. I can't see myself not having clay apart of my life whether it's my job or a very very expensive hobby. The only thing about it though, is that I don't know enough about the clay world to be able to say that I want to do it for a living. I'm not sure if there is a job involving clay that would fit me. Who knows? I've got some research to do.