Oh the Places You'll Go...

So, a lot has been going on lately and pretty much all of it has been just me trying to figure out who/what/where/why I am now and in the future.

First off, I have to give a bit of a correction. Despite the maybe-not-so-quiet urgings my mother gave to my brothers as they were figuring out their career paths, she has not in any way done this with me. The afore mentioned plans for the next 5 years of my life were discussed at length with my mom, but the ideas and decisions were all me. I really really like psychology, and I'm super excited at finding something to do with my life that I know will directly contribute to the betterment of the world. Also, the idea to be a psychologist was created the summer of last year, so I've had time to settle into the idea and grow roots. Although, I love clay and being an artist. My dilemma with being an artist for a living, though, is that I've never looked at any of my art (ceramics, photographs, drawings/paintings/etc.) as being something I could sell, or was even all that great. Also, my brother has always been the artist in the family. I know it's possible for there to be more than one artist in the family (especially if they work with two very different mediums), but that's just how it's always been.

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about what I am going to do with my life. The sheer fact that continuing with my art is a possibility is dizzying. I never really thought it was much of an option until I got that letter from Alfred University. Also, lately I've been thinking of going down that path especially after I got a call from my oldest brother yesterday. He and my sister-in-law had just bought a sculpture and thought of me, so he called and left a message to say that if it was in my heart, I should go for being an artist. A couple hours before I got that message, I had been talking to Dad in the car about how I really kinda do want to go to Alfred to study ceramics.

Although, what would I do with an art degree? I'm really not interested in teaching art. I highly doubt if my stuff would be in a museum somewhere. Although, it might be cool to start a shop with my art buddies for our one-of-a-kind (mostly functional) art, trinkets, and other suchwhat. Who knows?

Sorry this is so confusing to read. My brain feels a little muddled right now.

Choices, choices, choices!

At the moment, I'm really not happy with my flickr account. I don't like all of the limitations that I have in order to have a free account. I can only upload a certain number of photos per month and on top of that I can only have 200 photos in my photo stream. I don't like that. For a lot of people that might seem very reasonable, but I like to be able to upload all of my photos at once and then go back through and delete the ones I don't like, or just don't need to be on the internet. I also have far more than 200 photos that I'd like for people to be able to see. So, now I'm kind of looking around for a new site to upload my photos. I looked at photobucket but they want your cell phone number. I'm afraid to give it to them. They say they won't call you, but what about texting? That's 10 cents every time they deem it necessary to let me know about some kind of sponsor of theirs, or offer me a chance to win something, or alert me that someone has looked at 12 of my photos, each in their own little nicely wrapped package on my phone. Not worth it. I might try signing up and just not give them my phone number. Anyway, if someone has some other option that they like, let me know. I want to get my time's (since it had better be free) worth out of my photo-site.

drowning in the multitude

Finals are quickly approaching.... Tuesday marks the first day of the ever questionable marathon of running toward winter break and the multitude of obstacles that ostentatiously call themselves finals. To be honest I don't really mind finals all that much. They're just like the tests we've been taking throughout the entire semester. What I don't like about them are that they're worth 10% of your whole grade. Also, what they don't tell you about finals is that they don't actually help your grade. Most of what they do is drag it down to the mud for it to feast on the wet and grainy soil like an earthworm with a very empty stomach. It is true, finals can potentially raise your grade. What teachers don't add on to that misleading and deceitful fact is that it can only potentially raise your grade a few percentage points. Ok, I have an 85% in a class and I'm hoping and praying for an A. All I really need is a measly 4.5% to get that A- that my soul so desperately searches for in the depths of whatever academic class that grade would be for. Teachers spouting out that finals can (note can, not that they will) raise your grade sprouts a quite hope in my thumping heart. I could do it! I could really make an A in this class! Quickly, I grab a calculator to figure what kind of grade I need to get on the last obstacle I have to leap for that glorious A-. I press the enter button and the blistery cold, hard truth freezes what little hope I had cultivated in my now sunken heart. In order to raise my grade those bothersome 4.5 percentage points I have to get a 130% on the final. Even if I studied and drilled every little minuscule spec of information that I can lay my twitching hands on, with a maximum of 100% on the final, that 130% becomes as attainable as the holy grail. Oh, yeah, finals can really raise my grade. More often than not the final exam consists of a series of questions that give a false sense of security as they lay before you on the desk, but then once the teacher grades the pages of supposed victory your heart skips a beat, and your breath catches as you see the narrow escape you just made to keep the grade you've had all semester. Nope, I truly don't mind finals at all. >.<

Huh? What in the world could be in store for me?!?!

Ok, so to give a bit of back ground:
Alfred University is a very very very prestigious art school in New York. Their top program is ceramics which is exactly what I want to do. When I went to portfolio day, I talked to their representative, and they looked at my portfolio. At the time, I really didn't think they liked it because it only seemed to be negative feedback.... I figured, ok so this is some stuff I can work on...

So, for the shocking part:
I got a letter in the mail from them saying this:

Dear Talieh;
I wanted to thank you for your recent attendance at the National Portfolio Day in Kansas City. When Colleen (the representative) returned to campus she told me you had one of the most impressive portfolio's she had seen. We are very interested in you and hope you will apply to our School of Art and Design.



AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *FREAK OUT!!!!!!*

I MEAN SERIOUSLY!!! HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!!!!!!

The letter continues in the typical we're giving you info about our school and you're a freshman that is/could be interested. But, that first paragraph.... is..... INSANELY AWESOME!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!

Although, there is one downside. This makes things very confusing for me because my mom and I had planned pretty much everything out for the next 5-ish years. The plan was for me to go to St. Louis and get my residency while going to a community college. Then I'd go to the University of Missouri in St. Louis for my bachelor's degree in psychology. So, now, this muddles some things up a bit because it wouldn't be the degree I was planning on (However, it definitely was up there with choices, and I was going to take art classes period no matter what degree would get me a job. Art is far too ingrained in me to stop after high school.). Also, we were planning on me doing service in St. Louis while I was going to school there. I just don't know.... It's very confusing....

DONE!!!!!

Senior projects are done for my entire class. I had to present last Tuesday. It was okay.... I was scrambling for time toward the end and made it to 7 minutes. Just enough to get 12 out of 15 points (on that particular part of the rubric). I'm ok with that. I think I spoke fairly well and clearly. It was kind of funny because the guy right after me was also talking about the brain and so he referenced my presentation which actually saved him time (he ended up going over 10 minutes though, and so also got 12 out of 15 points). There are still some classes that have more students to present, but my class is done. I think there might be one more class time that we have to listen to some students from other classes, but I'm not sure. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it anymore, and that very very soon we'll be getting into the good stuff (reading and writing meaningful essays (never really thought I would say that)) (these pictures are the ones I included in my presentation that my teacher really liked)






Okay, since I seem to have some things to say about English I might as well have a new paragraph about it instead of cramming it into parenthesis. Anyway, I'm really excited about this year's English class. I'm really looking forward to reading real books and being able to understand and discuss them. I'm also surprisingly looking forward to the essays. This year the topics for the essays (so far) have been things that are meaningful to me and things I can actually write about. Before this year, I really didn't care about what we had to write, but now I do, and it really makes a difference. I like it.

Other things that are happening.... well.... actually... I'm thinking about getting a job (like a regular one, not just babysitting) because I really need the money. I haven't been getting very many babysitting jobs and the money I make in one night doesn't last very long at all when I'm having to buy things right and left for school and just living. Plus, in babysitting I never have any idea when I will have money. The only thing about getting a regular job is that it will take away my time. That's the biggest problem I have with it (that and the fear of being stuck working with people that drive me insane). My schedule is very spontaneous and on a whim. It seems like having a regular job would seriously strap down my time for things that I want to do. Also, I really like the relationships I've formed with the kids and parents I babysit for. I want to keep that kind of option open, but.... it's difficult to do other things when my only income is so little and far apart. We'll see.

Life in Motion

Here are a few more photos that I really like. I couldn't upload all of them in my first entry...

Life in Motion

My senior project is done. Even when I say that out loud, I don't really believe myself. This project has been far more stressful and chaotic than need be, but it's over. Done. Kaput. Finished. Well... Mostly. All I have to do now is present it. That's on the thirtieth. I'm not looking forward to that....

My entire mouth aches. They put a power chain all the way across my top teeth to pull my front teeth in where they should be. Thank God this should all be over in January. Well... except for the retainers, but we'll just take it one step at a time. I'll just be excited when I get this stupid screw out of my head.

NEW CAMERA = ABSOLUTE LOVE!!!!! I love film. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love. Love. Love. I cannot express how much I love my camera and shooting in film. Today has got to be one of the best ever (despite my mouth being in pain). I had my first photo shoot with it yesterday, and some of the pictures that I got are incredible! I'm so excited! It's times like these where I really wish I had money so I could go get film and have a shooting spree! lol. I also took a long my digital camera and these are my favorites from yesterday.

*big sigh of relief*

My paper is done and turned in. Thank God. I still have to do statistics for Tuesday, go get my camera fixed/replaced (when it is only a week old! arg.), and go get bells for my "wind chimes." After that (except statistics will probably be done on Monday night...), I'm hoping to relax. I do have to work on my senior presentation.... but, I just want to relax....

Ho Hum

Today was a great day, but I'm going to be a bit of a party pooper right now.

I've noticed that in many cases I'm pretty much a boring person. Mostly observing and not contributing. I seem to kind of just slide under everyone else without being noticed much. I think I'm generally okay with that, though. There are certain times where I don't have much to contribute or don't care to. I don't know.... it's odd.

Another thing that has actually somewhat scared me has been me being completely apathetic to my senior project. It will pretty much decide if I pass or fail my English class. In short, it basically decides if I graduate this year. That's pretty huge, but there has been absolutely no drive to work on it. I really couldn't care less about this project. My focus is elsewhere, such as my photography class, my clay class, choir, statistics, pretty much anywhere but English. Yes, I know this is not a good thing, but meh.

Anyway, sorry for being such a party pooper right now. I'm just kinda feeling a little bleh right now.

Colleges

So, I spent a while on the phone with Friends University this evening. That was interesting. I'm not really all that interested in going there for my education, but I do want to mention that my conversation with their representative was the most pleasant conversation I've had over the phone with a college. Kudos to you Friends.

Hmmmmm...... well not particularly the original focus.

So, originally I had started this blog because I wanted to have a picture blog. I've looked back at a lot of my entries and barely any of them have pictures..... I figured I'd fix this. Right now these are my two favorite pictures.

Personal Statement Take Two

So this is what my personal statement ended up being. There will probably be some changes to it, but this is the gist. Tell me what you think.

I sit down at a pottery wheel, a lump of clay in my hand, and set to work. The slippery mound slowly conforms to my steady hands and centers on the wheel, offering itself to me as a platform for creativity. I lean back and inquire of the clay, “What do you want to be?” My hands set to work, pulling, forming, shaping, creating something beautiful out of what was once mud. I see my life manifested in each stage of the clay. As a child I was awkward and reckless, not unlike the raw porcelain when it is first placed on the wheel. The school nurse came to know me quite well; since I was in there almost every day, after some accident or another whether it was a scraped knee or, once, a broken arm. I then grew and matured and centered under the steady hands of my family and friends. The majority of my friendships has been maintained from extremely early on in my life and has played a major roll in the person that I have become. One friend in particular has been with me ever since we were five years old. She and I support each other and contribute greatly to the other’s life. I cannot imagine a world without her. My family is my system of support. I tend to rely on those around me, but if something is needed of me, I step up to the task and carry out whatever the responsibility might be. My family and friends are the many tools used to shape, smooth, and trim the clay. Sometimes my walls are pulled too thin, coming close to a disaster. However, as the wheel keeps spinning the slumps become small, interesting additions to the piece. That is also where the creativity and flexibility come in. When a problem arises, I try to think everything through and then act on the solution that seems to best fit the situation. As I transition from high school to college it will be as if I’m cutting the piece from the wheel, trimming it, and preparing to become permanent. This is one of the most turbulent and confusing times in life. I am still trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be for the rest of my life. Through college I will be adding little details to an almost finished piece. Ideally, I will have reached that shape and design that I wish to be for years to come; which, by this time, the piece should be ready to fire and become an ever-lasting part of the world. The last two stages are glazing and the final firing of the piece. After this last step the piece is finished and can be used for a practical purpose as well as decorative. This is the kind of person I hope to evolve into: a strong person that contributes to those around her, as well as someone that others want around.

Personal Statement

So, for college application it is highly recommended, if not required, to write an essay or a personal statement. The college that would be ideal for me to apply to requires that the essay be of my choosing. This doesn't sit well with my mind. I like at least a little bit of order. I like a little bit of guideline and THEN the rest is up to me, but NO! The entire thing is up to me. I think it's not so much that I can't think of anything to write about because there's plenty of me that I can talk about, but none of it seems essay worthy to me. I don't know.... It's just really odd talking about myself. I could tell them all they wanted if they just gave me some questions. Blech.

Tagged To Type Ten Things

Ok, so Katie tagged me to type ten things that I like about myself...... This will be interesting....

1. I really like my eyes and my hair (color). They are really unique which makes me happy,and the fact that I don't even have to brush my hair in the morning is the coolest thing ever!

2. I REALLY like what I do in clay. It really gives a me a sense of accomplishment and that I can do something well.

3. I absolutely love that I'm a Baha'i. It'd be really really really scary how lost I'd be without the Teachings of Baha'u'llah.

4. I like the fact that I can recognize that I'm going through a very very transitional period in my life and that I know I'll make mistakes, but I'll do my best to learn everything I can.

5. I like that the little things are what make me happiest: holding my niece, a hug, being a dork with my friends, hot coco, nice warm blanket on a cold day, fuzzy socks, etc.

6. I like that I typically can read body language pretty well, and in so doing can get a general sense of what's going on before anyone has said anything.

7. I like that I'm pretty open minded with people, ideas, basically almost everything (I do not, however, have any room to move on such subjects as drugs, alcohol, prejudice, sex before marriage, and suchwhat (which all of those would equate to bad in my book)).

8. I like that I am generally responsible. I get things done (they might be only just on time, but ya know, that's what we procrastinators do). Also, when I start something, I get really focused on just that.

9. I like the fact that I'm generally a happy person (when I get sleep). I really don't think life would be nearly as enjoyable if I didn't view it like I do.

10. And, to be honest, I kinda like my dysfunctionalness. It makes things.... interesting, and allows me to appreciate when things go well.

So TA DA! 10 things I like about me! So, now, I tag.......
Robin, Jamie, Josh, Cassie, Austin, and, Angel!

Title and Registration

Title and Registration is a song by Death Cab for Cutie, and I absolutely adore it. I think I've listened to it almost 50 times today alone. The weird thing about it, though, is that normally I would be really really really fed up with it, but I really can't seem to get enough of it. It's a pretty simple song, but for some reason I just really really really like it. I had seen the music video before, and knew I really liked that song, but now that it's mine, and I have access to it, I've almost become obsessed with it. I'm ok with that though.

Title and Registration

The glove compartment isn't accurately named
And everybody knows it.
So I'm proposing a swift orderly change.

Cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm
And all I find are souvenirs from better times
Before the gleam of your taillights fading east
To find yourself a better life.

I was searching for some legal document
As the rain beat down on the hood
When I stumbled upon pictures I tried to forget
And that's how this idea was drilled into my head

Cause it's too important
To stay the way it's been

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night, up all night
When I'm lying awake at night.

Baklava!

Yes, I know I say this word a lot, but can you tell me another word that has the kind of satisfaction baklava brings when said? Yeah, didn't think so.

I am stressed now because of school (mostly because of senior project). I won't go into the details because details aren't that important. I need a break to catch up. I just wish I was back up in Seattle with the baby!!!!

I can't believe the weather in Seattle!!! I was using TWO blankets and had flannel pj's !! Here I'm in a t-shirt and boxers and still sweating myself to sleep. I'd rather go be a weather-pansy in Seattle.

mmmmm... yay!

I think the best sleep I've ever gotten was when I was sitting in a rocking chair holding my little Elsa. Mmmmm good times.

My Adventures of Aunthood

It has been incredible being up here in Seattle and seeing this amazing little girl. she is starting to form more of a personality and is cuter than ever!!



She has been really much more responsive and active in perceiving the world. She really likes to look at windows and light. I can't wait until she figures out more of what she likes in the world.




She is also the biggest ham baby I've ever seen. I mean, as soon as I pulled out the camera she was just posing for me. I was looking at her through the viewfinder and she looked straight at the camera and had this little grin. It was great! I just love this baby!

Guess what!

Yup, that's right. I'm in Seattle! CHYESS!!!!! We drove to Kansas City Tuesday evening so we could catch a plane yesterday morning. Everything went really really smoothly with our travels. We stayed with my grandma, which was really nice to visit with her, and went to the econo-parking lot. We found a parking place about 6 feet from the bus stop and right as we were getting stuff out of the trunk here came the bus down the aisle. It dropped us off right at the terminal, and we found the area for our gate and went through security right at our gate. That's one thing that I love about the KC airport, it is EXTREMELY easy for the travelers. Also, we had printed off our boarding passes at home, so that took out a bunch of time. From the time we left Grandma's to the time we were sitting in front of our gate only took 45 minutes. That was pretty awesome. Dallas was easy, and (!!!!!) I had a really really really yummy sandwich. Mmm, it was good! It had pretty good bread, tomatoes, and then it also had really good pesto and FANTASTIC mozzarella. It was a cold sandwich, but I think that was the best airport food I have ever had in my entire life. YUMMY! So, we're taxiing into the dock so we could get off, and mom was checking her voicemail and found out: Nathan could pick us up!!! YAY!!! It turned out that he was only about 10 minutes away from the airport and could leave work. Also, we didn't have any check baggage to get so we just walked right out to where Nathan could pull up and about 5 minutes later there he was! We got home and Elsa was sleeping, but that didn't stop Mom who was on a mission. Almost immediately, Elsa was in the arms of a very happy grandma. I've held her a couple of times, and I just love her. To hold her little body close is enrapturing. She is absolutely adorable. I love love love love love her. She's just so amazing.

A wee bit of an update!

So the things that are going on:

My friend just turned 18 which is amazing to me. We've been best friends for 13 years now, and it still feels like we're supposed to still be in middle school. We're becoming adults which is exciting and kinda scary at the same time. After this year, both of us are moving away and moving into a brand new chapter of our lives. I'm worried (just like I worry about every single other thing - ever), but I'm sure everything will be okay.

I finally have the a-okay to get a real job other than babysitting (which is nil to live on). I'm going to be going to a ton of places on Saturday to apply just about anywhere and everywhere I can. Granted, I really don't want to work in food. There are a couple of places that I can apply though that have just been built and are hiring. Thank God for construction in my town!!!

School will be interesting. So, my schedule is on day 1's I have US Government, AP English, French 2, and AP Statistics, and on day 2's I have Choir, Seminar (study hall), Photography, and AP Clay. I absolutely LOVE my day 2's. They are the coolest ever, but I do enjoy the majority of my day 1's, too. Government is really the only class that I kind of have an issue with, and that's because I don't really have anybody in there that I know well enough to band together with. I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT ENGLISH TODAY THOUGH!!!!!! I was actually able to write an ENTIRE ESSAY in 30 minutes!!!!! I finished 20 minutes before we had to, and I was actually somewhat proud of what I wrote because it was a fairly cohesive thought throughout my paper. So, I spent another 10 minutes going over it about 5 times and then I had 10 minutes of free time. That was the coolest ever. Granted, the essay was very short, but I have never written that fast or somewhat well at the same time. It was absolutely amazing. LOVE IT! AND!!!! In French class, we have this new teacher and I think the entire class time, she spoke MAYBE about 3 phrases in English, and I UNDERSTOOD ALMOST EVERYTHING!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I am actually learning!!! It's totally mind blowing. AP Statistics is strange. It's easy and really hard at the same time. Right now it feels like I'm taking another English class because all of the questions have essay answers, and all our teacher is doing is reading out of the book to us for our notes. A lot of it, we just have to figure out for ourselves, but there really is no way of teaching some of the stuff in there. Like, one example is figuring out if there is a bias or not on a radio station survey where people call in for their answers. Seems pretty fair right? Well, there could be a bias because the radio station itself could be a 80's rock station that the majority of their listeners are around 40 years old and if their asking about whether or not the the age to get your drivers license should be raised then 40 year olds won't really care. So, yeah, that's the kind of stuff we're learning in there right now.

So, I think I've rambled on long enough....

*sigh* Happiness is indeed a fabulous friend.

School has started again. That's ok. I love seeing my friends again, and my classes are the coolest classes in the world (well, except for one, but I can deal with one). Really, the only thing I don't like about being back at school is being thrown back into the throng of the crowds. Lately I've been feeling a bit antisocial in that I really only feel like spending time with a select number of people. Plus, it never really feels like I belong anywhere. I always seem to be surrounded by people I don't want to be around, but ya know, that's life. Despite this, I'm really happy. I had a really great summer. St. Louis was absolutely awesome, and now we're seeing the results of the weeks when I was there. I spent 9 days in paradise, Haifa, Israel. I just have this overwhelming feeling of happiness. I really love just sitting and listening to music, letting the notes and words wash over me. That is way cool. Everything is fantastic right now.

SHE IS HERE! SHE IS HERE! SHE IS HERE!

I am now officially an aunt!!!!! I can't believe it!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! Go check her out!!! She's perfect!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nathanbe/717325163/in/set-72157600646154776/

Happy Bubble = HUGE

Nothing feels better than just getting off the phone with someone that just called so say how fantastic it was just meeting you.

So much...

I'm sorry I kind of turned away from this. School got pretty crazy, and there was never any time or energy to get on here. I'm in St. Louis now (technically St. Charles) and I've done 3 somewhat major things. First: The ACT. It went ok. I think. Second: A potluck deepening on The Tablets of the Divine Plan. That was really fun. Lots of goooooooood food! Third: A children's class this morning. There was only one kid but it was really cool. I think I'm slowly getting the groove of this place. Everyone is really really nice, and I think I'll have a great time. I guess the only thing is that I miss people. Even before I left home there were too many people to miss. Now, I miss people at home too. I guess it's really kind of depressing in that I meet these really awesome people, but almost as soon as I leave those relationships drift and drop off. It makes me sad. Anyway, sorry there's no picture for this post. As soon as I have one that fits I'll post it.